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so what can i really say? well the end of my job is nearing and i've still been in complete denial about the whole thing. i just keep thinking that if i forget about it, then it wont really happen. but we all know it will. it just sucks. i mean i've got a little under a month left with this job. it was honestly the best job a person could ask for, the people were like a family to me and i don't think i'll ever find a place as great as that was. and the absolute worst part of all of this? now i've gotta start going out and hunting for a job. well that is always a ton of fun right? that is one of those things that i just hate! i mean it's not fun to actually go out and try and sell yourself to someone, trying to convince someone why you are great isn't easy. well for me at least. i don't really know how other people find it but i've never really been the type of person to be totally outgoing and what not.

the thing that sucks about closing a store down? the customers are a bunch of assholes. i mean really, do they not realize that we are all losing our jobs and they just try to make our lives a living hell. seriously, if you ever go to a store that is closing please don't rag on the staff because it sucks for them a lot more than it sucks for you. sometimes i just feel like telling people to shut the fuck up because they are just a bunch of douchebags. yes. that's how i feel. dealing with customers really sucks sometimes. that's what i hate about being in retail. customers. just because you are the one they are talking to, they think that they can take it all out on you and think you are the bad person. i don't think i could ever bring myself to be a douche to a sales associate at any store. not that i ever would have before because i'm just not that type of a person.

work is basically just a raging soap opera. i mean there is always drama going on. i swear to god we could probably have had our own television show. like greys anatomy. there were only about 13 employees so people got close and people talked. everyone knew everything about each other and things spread around. sometimes it's awesome and sometimes it just sucks because rumors get started and it's like you're back in high school all over again. i swear though, i've met more people in life outside of high school that were a hundred times worse than the people i met in high school. i've always hated drama, it's just never been my thing. conflict + me = bad news. because i absolutely can't handle it. i'll get that adrenaline rush and feel like i'm going to collapse.

and my last topic that i really want to touch on is relationships. well i mean i don't have one, hell i'm that loser of a kid who's never had one. well romantically at least. boyfriends just haven't been my forte. i guess i've had guys show interest in me but i've been that girl that shot them down because well i don't really know why. i guess i'm scared, scared of not being guarded. scared of letting someone get too close to me. letting someone really get to know you is kinda a scary thing. i've always been very guarded and will probably continue to be. i've broken down a lot of those walls since high school, but really there are still a few that are still standing that i just can't knock down. believe me, everyday i think about missing out on life because of it. my whole high school experience was boring as hell because of it and i guess you could say i have a few regrets about it. i haven't really experienced all that life has to offer, i've guarded myself against it. maybe that should be like my next new years resolution or something? not to be guarded. to live a little. get myself a fucking boyfriend for christ sake. sometimes i just wish that the world played out like the movies. it would make my life so much easier. but we all know that isn't going to happen. though let's be honest some people just seem to have it made.

currently listening to ; feel good drag by anberlin

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