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wow, i can't believe i haven't posted on here since 2010. i mean that's like two years! crazy right! well whatever the case you haven't missed a whole lot. i've gotten a new job, it was only about two months after my last job sooo it wasn't all that hard. i guess it's alright. i'm not in love with it or anything but it's as good as can be expected i guess. work is work right? i've been working a lot lately, haven't had a lot of time for much else to be honest. whatever the case i'm hoping to kinda get back into blogging, i kind of miss it.

i've got myself hooked on those monthly beauty boxes, you know the ones that you can subscribe to monthly and they send you this pretty little box filled with all sorts of little goodies that you can try out. so far i've gotten a glossybox and a glymm box. i've also subscribed to luxe and i'm on the waiting list for topbox, so hopefully that will get on it's merry little way soon! they are so addicting, i mean it's like christmas every month, i have to stop myself from reading all of the other peoples blog posts because usually the boxes ship from out in the east and it has to travel all the way to me in vancouver so i get it a bit later than most. i don't want to ruin the surprise, i wasn't the type of kid that liked to sneak into my mom's closet close to the holidays and find out what i am getting for christmas. i always liked the surprise of it. i mean whats the fun in knowing what kind of toys your getting and not being able to play with them anyways right?

on top of that i've really gotten into this little thing that i like to call my 'creative outlet' it's a pretty simple idea really. it's just a basic sketchbook that i glue random pictures and magazine cutouts into. it's kinda just a junk journal. i'll cut out pictures of celebrities or people that inspire me and write song lyrics or whatever i feel like in it. sometimes i'll glue receipts in there or ticket stubs. whatever i feel like really. i'll see if i can get some pictures up in here next time! whatever the case i think that sums it up for now.

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well yesterday was the end of an era! i'm officially unemployed and it sucks! i hate it so much. i never thought i would have the gut wrenching feeling. but i really do. seriously i went home and i bawled my eyes out. sure it might sound stupid to be so emotional about losing a job like this. i mean after all it was retail and it wasn't really so much the 'job' that i'm going to miss. it was all of the amazing people i got the chance to work with. i know that nothing will ever compare to it. i think of those people as my extended family. i saw them pretty much everyday and we had our inside jokes and so many amazing memories and stories! but now that it's over? well it's really done. i know that i am never going to go back into that building every day or open those doors or even answer the phone in that annoying greeting that we always had to use. i'm never going to ask people if they have a work life rewards card or try to shove things in our overly full garbage can in the break room. i'll never hang out in the managers office or hide out in copy and print center. there are so many little stupid things that i am going to miss. i remember when i first found out about the closing i went home and just bawled for about three days! and honestly i thought i'd cried myself out after that. but now, well it's over and it's finally setting in. as i sit here in my pj's and watch tv or place playstation 3 that i wont go back! it just really sucks. i wish that i could like win the lottery and open up a store there and hire back all the same people because i can't imagine life without it anymore. after you go for a year of seeing the same amazing group of people to just not seeing them again, well it sucks. it was really the end of an era. one that i will never forget!

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so what can i really say? well the end of my job is nearing and i've still been in complete denial about the whole thing. i just keep thinking that if i forget about it, then it wont really happen. but we all know it will. it just sucks. i mean i've got a little under a month left with this job. it was honestly the best job a person could ask for, the people were like a family to me and i don't think i'll ever find a place as great as that was. and the absolute worst part of all of this? now i've gotta start going out and hunting for a job. well that is always a ton of fun right? that is one of those things that i just hate! i mean it's not fun to actually go out and try and sell yourself to someone, trying to convince someone why you are great isn't easy. well for me at least. i don't really know how other people find it but i've never really been the type of person to be totally outgoing and what not.

the thing that sucks about closing a store down? the customers are a bunch of assholes. i mean really, do they not realize that we are all losing our jobs and they just try to make our lives a living hell. seriously, if you ever go to a store that is closing please don't rag on the staff because it sucks for them a lot more than it sucks for you. sometimes i just feel like telling people to shut the fuck up because they are just a bunch of douchebags. yes. that's how i feel. dealing with customers really sucks sometimes. that's what i hate about being in retail. customers. just because you are the one they are talking to, they think that they can take it all out on you and think you are the bad person. i don't think i could ever bring myself to be a douche to a sales associate at any store. not that i ever would have before because i'm just not that type of a person.

work is basically just a raging soap opera. i mean there is always drama going on. i swear to god we could probably have had our own television show. like greys anatomy. there were only about 13 employees so people got close and people talked. everyone knew everything about each other and things spread around. sometimes it's awesome and sometimes it just sucks because rumors get started and it's like you're back in high school all over again. i swear though, i've met more people in life outside of high school that were a hundred times worse than the people i met in high school. i've always hated drama, it's just never been my thing. conflict + me = bad news. because i absolutely can't handle it. i'll get that adrenaline rush and feel like i'm going to collapse.

and my last topic that i really want to touch on is relationships. well i mean i don't have one, hell i'm that loser of a kid who's never had one. well romantically at least. boyfriends just haven't been my forte. i guess i've had guys show interest in me but i've been that girl that shot them down because well i don't really know why. i guess i'm scared, scared of not being guarded. scared of letting someone get too close to me. letting someone really get to know you is kinda a scary thing. i've always been very guarded and will probably continue to be. i've broken down a lot of those walls since high school, but really there are still a few that are still standing that i just can't knock down. believe me, everyday i think about missing out on life because of it. my whole high school experience was boring as hell because of it and i guess you could say i have a few regrets about it. i haven't really experienced all that life has to offer, i've guarded myself against it. maybe that should be like my next new years resolution or something? not to be guarded. to live a little. get myself a fucking boyfriend for christ sake. sometimes i just wish that the world played out like the movies. it would make my life so much easier. but we all know that isn't going to happen. though let's be honest some people just seem to have it made.

currently listening to ; feel good drag by anberlin

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well i guess a lot has been going on. so i haven't really had much time to post. i mean i guess i probably could have found five minutes to write something since may but i just feel like i keep making up excuses. the most recent thing that's happened is the fact that i found out that i'm losing my job. yup, it's not like i got fired or anything like that, oh hell no. it's just that the company i work for is actually closing down. obviously i was amazingly upset about this whole thing. as horribly lame as it sounds i cried my eyes out for a while. i mean i know i've only worked there for a year and what not but the fact that i've actually lost my job sucks. and it wasn't so much the job that i'm going to miss. it's the people. i love absolutely everyone i worked with, it was just such an amazing place to work and we all became like a little family. we'd joke around all the time and goof off. and now it just feels like nothing will ever compare to that place. i guess it shouldn't really have come as a shock to any of us. considering half the time we were dead. but still we all expected another year or so out of it. and just having that extra year for me would have been good. but instead i've got to go out and find another job.

the worst part of all of this is the fact that i found out about two weeks ago and about two days after i found out that we were closing everything went to hell, you see there were huge closing signs and everything. i would see these damn signs everywhere and it was like they were just there to mock me, and remind me that in a couple months i wont be returning to this building every single day. it was one of those jobs where i was actually happy to go to work because i really truly loved my job. sure it wasn't exactly glamorous, being in retail and all but still. it was the people that kept me there. it paid minimum wage which sucked but the managers were amazing and everyone i worked with was the best. i've never met such amazing people before. people who i truly felt comfortable around and could be myself around.

i know this sounds all sad and horrible and like i'm this whiny little baby. but i just fucking hate it. i've met some really awesome friends there and i don't want to accept that it's really going to be gone and we are all going to go our separate ways. sure we all say we will stay in contact, but we all know that never really happens. i mean look at high school. after that i've only kept in contact with a very minimal amount of people. but that might just have been because to be quite honest i never really felt a proper connection with my friends at high school. they were kind of just a bunch of people who i could hang out with at lunch and during class. but none of them really shared all that much in common with me. but the people i met at work, well i can actually see myself wanting to hang out with them after work and such. we've often had our own little gatherings outside of work and i've had a blast with them.

now i've got to start looking for a job, but that is the absolute worst thing. i don't know a single person who actually likes going out and applying for a job. i mean who really likes going around and going to interviews and trying to sell yourself to someone only to be rejected afterward because they aren't quite what you are looking for? i mean how can you really find out if someone would be a good match with the company by asking them the stupid questions that you get. "what is your biggest accomplishment" "what sorts of activities are you involved with outside of school/work" or whatever. i mean really? it's like you have to bullshit your way through all of those questions anyways. and plus you could have the best selling skills in the world and be able to make yourself seem awesome but in all actuality you are a useless piece of shit. i've never been that good at speaking about myself, i feel weird trying to tell people how great i am and why they should even give a shit about me right? but it just sucks because i know i will never be able to get a job with the same kind of people. every one of my managers was amazing, they were like your friends. but you still respected them one hundred percent. and the days went by amazingly fast because you actually enjoyed what you were doing and you weren't just doing the same repetitive action every single day and being bored out of your fucking mind.

now that there is the whole 'closing out sale' going on i fucking hate dealing with customers. all they keep saying is 'why aren't the deals very good?' it's like fuck you. or they ask 'so what is happening to the people that are working here' well shit you don't really give a fuck now do you? because if you did maybe you would have shopped here a little more often. oh and some of the best 'are you really closing?' YES! do you not see the fucking thousands of signs all over the place that are fricken huge? seriously. no it's april fools day and we are just fucking with you! like shit... really are people that stupid? or sometimes you get 'oh this sucks. this was my favorite store. now i have to go somewhere else' well oh no! how horrible, guess what we are all getting laid off! wonderful isn't it? i think my problem outweighs yours! dumb asses.

the whole staff is obviously very upset about it, a couple people worked with the company for years and they became close obviously as well. and now it's all over. and the best part of it? the fact that the corporate assholes decided to shut us down so that they could take the money and bring it into the states. so essentially it's that whole oh fuck you canada, nobody gives a shit about you because the american's are struggling so we'll just fuck you all over. ok, thanks. it just pisses me off. anyways that's about all i have to say right now. /end of rant =P

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well i guess i totally suck, because i haven't posted on here forever. but i really haven't had all that much to talk about i guess. mostly i've just been working and stuff. i work pretty much every day so even though they classify me as part time i'm usually working at least 30 hours a week. which is alright with me i guess considering i don't have anything better to do hah. wow i sound so pathetic. but i can't really help it. well tonight lost is on. and it's going to be the end of the show all together. i don't know what the hell i'm going to do i mean i watched this damn show for six years of my life and it's just going to be all over tonight. in two and a half hours it will all come to and end. it's like the end of an era for me. i don't know if i'll ever love a show as much as i loved lost. though the vampire diaries is coming in a pretty close second already. but look at that, there just so happens to be a certain lost cast member in the show. coincidence? maybe. i'm not totally sure, maybe it's like my subconscious is playing tricks on me or something.

it seems to me that a lot of season finales have ended in shooting. it's kinda weird. first there was gossip girl, then one tree hill and greys anatomy...... can't they come up with another way to end a show than have everyone shooting each other? not to say that i didn't thoroughly enjoy all of them. but still. did all the writers just plan this or something? at least glee won't have any shooting going on, or i hope not at least because that would just change the whole dynamic of the show. honestly, i have kinda gotten into glee. i mean i still hate rachel berry, because she is just annoying as hell. but other than her it's really not too bad of a show. i don't know what it is about lea michele that i just can't stand, i think it might have something to do with the way she over emphasizes absolutely everything and i just want to smack her for it. but whatever.

i'm totally looking forward to katy perry's new album that will be coming out. i mean i'm already hooked on california gurls and the song that isn't actually supposed to be out yet, but totally is. E.T. sure it's a really retarded name and all but it's a totally amazing song. it just makes me want to bounce around and dance like a weirdo. though to be quite honest it's not like that is anything new.

work is really dramatic. let's be honest we could probably have our own soap opera there. i mean the gossip that goes on down there is unbelievable. it's like everyone is always talking about what they don't like about someone. so far i luckily haven't heard my name come up at all, but you never know right? but i mean seriously everyone just back stabs everyone. and i'm probably making it out like i absolutely hate my job, which is fact is quite the opposite. i totally love everyone there. the people are amazing and i couldn't possibly ask for a better group to work with. the managers are awesome and it's going to be sad to leave them one day. everyone is just so nice and let's be honest they are all a bunch of goofs, i think that is what i love most about it. it's not one of those jobs where i'm like 'oh god here we go again.' nah, i actually like going to work. and i'm pretty lucky because a lot of people don't get to say that. of course the whole minimum wage thing kinda sucks but it's a job for now to get me started. i can't believe i've worked there for almost a year now. it's kinda crazy. i mean as of august 31st it will be a year. the manager that hired me actually moved on to another store which is kind of sad but i still love everyone else that works there.

you know what i'm totally pissed off about? the fact that paramore is skipping vancouver. yeah, wtf. they are going on the honda civic tour and it always comes to vancouver, except this year. like seriously? are you kidding me? even warped tour is skipping us. sometimes i wish i could just start up my own tour and make it come to vancouver. plus i could pick the bands that i want to come. but that is just another dream of mine, just like the fact that it would be completely amazing to start up a record label. it's not like that is ever going to happen, but a girl can sure dream right? i'm a musical junkie, always have been, always will be. anyways, thats basically all i have to really say for now. hopefully i'll try and actually keep up with this now. well, you never know right?

Currently Listening To : crushcrushcrush by paramore

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well i haven't posted in like forever, but i really haven't had much to say. i mean i've gone down to the states every weekend for the past three weeks, but that isn't really all that exciting. my parents want to get a new boat, or i guess they did get it. they've bought it and everything we just have to actually go and pick it up this weekend. i also bought a couple hoodies and t-shirts and stuff down in the states. i got an overnight sensations t-shirt, which i am wearing right now. if you haven't heard of that brand well obviously you aren't a fan of gabe saporta because it's his clothing line, well it's more or less his collaboration with glamour kills. i love that brand, honestly every shirt they have i would totally wear. the only thing is i really hate paying $25 for a damn shirt. but i guess if i want it enough i'll buy it right? well thats what happened with my shirts, i bought the overnight sensation shirt and the dance, shimmy, shuffle, shake, swing shirt, don't remember what the order of all those words were on the shirt, but i've always really loved that shirt for some reason XD

what with me working and my parents working and us wanting to go down to the states we finally managed to make time to get our x-mas tree up. honestly it's kinda getting to just be a big pain in the ass. i remember when i was young i used to get so excited about christmas but now i'm just like 'meh, who cares' i mean sure it's nice and all, but i think the only reason i really liked it as much as i did was because we got like two weeks off school, and that was awesome. but now that i'm out of school, i'm not quite so lucky. but whatever. my mom asked me what i wanted for x-mas and to be honest i didn't really want anything. i used to be able to list off like a million things i wanted but now i just don't care, when i want something i'll buy it, so i didn't really feel like there was anything i really want. i mean i guess it would be awesome to get a new camera, one that isn't so amazingly old and so damn slow that it's like an archaic dinosaur. so we'll see if i get one. i mean i already got a macbook pro, which is what i really wanted. and i paid for that myself. so we'll see i guess.

anyways, thats about all. i don't really know what more to say. i'm totally bored out of my mind and i really don't know what else to say. so i'll just leave it at that.

Currently Listening To: Give A Damn by A Rocket To The Moon

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well i guess my posting habits have kinda been sucking lately. i haven't posted in a long time and i know it sucks. but the thing is i really haven't had anything to say. the only things i've really done is work, work and work some more. i haven't gone out too much or gone anywhere all that exciting so it's not like i've really been able to think about anything worth while to blog about. even work has been kind of boring lately. hey i did get employee of the month at work though, which is slightly sad because i've only worked there for two months. haha so basically that's pretty weird. today i went to starbucks and bought a hot chocolate because i was waiting for my dad to pick me up from work. anyways i was apparently randomly chosen to do a survey online and then i would bring the receipt with a number i received after completing the survey back to starbucks and i would get a free drink. i thought that was pretty cool so i was happy. but i mean other than that nothing else interesting has happened yet. i do get the day off tomorrow though. so thats nice. i've been working non stop, or at least it seems like that. i'm at work more than i'm at home anymore. well aside from when i am sleeping but that doesn't really count because it's not like i actually do anything interesting or worthwhile when i am sleeping right?

so there hasn't even really been anything worth while mentioning in the music world. i mean there is the cobra starship hot mess video that is apparently coming out pretty soon which i am totally excited to see and there is also the fact that pete wentz got a tattoo of gabe saporta as a child on his leg, which is kinda weird. but he lost a bet or whatever, no actually i think he got it because hot mess went to number one on itunes. but honestly, that would be the day when i get a messed up tattoo of a creepy little kid on my leg. hell i'll probably never get a tattoo in my life, i'm not exactly the most tolerant of pain. i've totally gotten into the show the vampire diaries, honestly, i love that show it's so awesome. it's like seven million times better than twilight. twilight totally ruined the whole totally awesome vampire thing for me. i mean i've always really liked anything to do with vampires for some reason until the twilight movies came out. i mean the books didn't bother me, well at least the first three, the fourth was too much of a stretch for me. i mean the part where she got preggers and all that shit just totally threw me off and i was like wtf this is the most lame thing ever. but the vampire diaries reminded me why i've always thought the whole vampire thing is totally awesome. but it helps that the acting in the show is a hell of a lot better than that in twilight. i mean i've always loves ian sommerhalder, he is not only an amazing actor but he's also got this whole really evil vampire thing going for him which totally makes him perfect for the role. i've actually started reading the book series for the vampire diaries too. i bought all the books in the series and i'm going to admit that this is probably the one time i've liked the tv show better than the book. i might be biased because i started watching the show first, but whatever the case i kind of find myself being more drawn to the show than the book. don't get me wrong it's a good book but the graphics and acting and lighting of the show are just so amazing that it makes it one of the best book to tv show adaptations i have seen in a really long time. i mean sure they changed a lot around from the book to the show but still i really love the show. Anyways thats really all i have to say right now, i'm actually watching criminal minds right now so i'll just get back to that. it's a pretty intense show.

Currently Listening To: This Ain't A Scene by Fall Out Boy

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